Sure, there are funny moments in the forty-first millennium. There’s capers and one liners throughout the lore and books. but what the setting really lacks is some straight up Warhammer 40k jokes. The classic style of comedy we all knew as children. But we’re here to help.
The Handful of Dice team have taken an opportunity to commune with the Omnissiah (via Open AI’s ChatGPT) and, given this unprecedented access to the wisdom of the Machine God, there was only one question we wanted to ask. ‘What are your twenty best Warhammer 40k jokes?’
After processing an inordinate amount of binharic code we’ve deciphered the results and can proudly present you with what is evidently the peak of humour in the far future. Enjoy.
The Omissiah Provides (Warhammer 40k Jokes):
Why did the Space Marine cross the road? To get to the other Crusade!
Why did the Necron go to the doctor? To get his chronometron checked!
Why did the Ork’s gun jam? Because it was too excited to shoot!
Why did the Dark Eldar leave the party early? Because they had to go raid!
Why did the Imperial Guard dog bark at the Space Marine? Because it thought he was a giant bolter!
Why did the Eldar craftworld go bankrupt? They spent too much time corsairing!
Why did the Chaos Space Marine wear a helmet? So he wouldn’t lose his head!
Why did the Tyranid go to the beach? To catch some Genestealers!
Why did the Adeptus Mechanicus inventor quit? He was tired of being a cog in the machine!
Why did the Inquisitor go to the gym? To build some muscle-bound inquisition!
Why did the Grey Knight leave the meeting early? He was on a holy mission!
Why did the Daemon prince stay in bed? He was feeling a little Possessed!
Why did the Necron Lord visit the beauty salon? To get his wraithbone polished!
Why did the Space Marine captain go to the bar? To get some Space beer!
Why did the Imperial Guard officer go to the tailor? To get his uniform fitted for battle!
Why did the Ork warboss go to the bank? To make a withdraw of dakka!
Why did the Dark Eldar Archon go to the nightclub? To get in some soul-stealing!
Why did the Eldar Farseer go to the library? To get some divination!
Why did the Chaos Space Marine go to the gym? To get some daemonic muscle!
Why did the Tyranid go to the zoo? To see some other bio-forms!
There we have it, the best humour the Omnissiah can provide. We sincerely hope this brings joy to the followers of the God Emperor whilst they battle across the galaxy for his glory. We’re confident we’ll see these added to the uplifting primer in its next edition. Did you enjoy this post? Got your own 40k joke you want to crack? Let us know in the comments!
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